Friday, December 17, 2004

Exxon, hope, and super unleaded gas 

I had to put gas into my car today. As a creature of habit, I nearly always go to Exxon on Lemmon Ave., and no matter what the price is I choose super unleaded gas. I don't know why, I just do.

As I wait for my tank to get full, I looked around at the other customers. I noticed a lovely couple sharing a hot drink while waiting at the gas pump. I wonder if they chose super unleaded gas.

As I continue to watch them, my eyes soften, my mouth turns up a bit at the sweet scene, and I acknowledge the seedling of hope that I often feel when I observe all things romantic. I constantly remind myself that though I am and feel cynical and jaded about such moments these days; inside, I still have hope. Yes, I remain independent and single. I choose to be such and experience good and bad days. Even though I am working on forming a new path in my life, I still retain my vision of ideal love. I can't help it, I always choose super unleaded gas.

I remember a part in the book I am currently reading,

"I want to see, real, living, and in the hours of my own days, that glory I create as an illusion. I want it real. I want to know that there is someone, somewhere, who wants it, too. Or else what is the use of seeing it, and working, and burning oneself for an impossible vision? A spirit, too, needs fuel. It can run dry."

I don't think independence will provide me with all the fuel needed. So I wonder how far will my independence take me because I will always choose super unleaded gas.

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